Here you see a representative sampling of the fruits of my GPS cat-toy echo-location system (see “About”). Or else these have been given to me by friends who’ve taken pity on my relentless quest to Find Objects That Bugs Will Like At Least Briefly.
I grieve to report that these little charmers, which had so much potential to give and give until they could give no more, have been despised and rejected. Bugs has either had his way with them and cast them heartlessly aside – or he’s taken one good look and turned the cold shoulder.Following is an itemized list of the inventory, left-to-right. Not pictured: Bulk lot delivered by trailer to various thrift stores around town.
Red Sash. Untold hours of savagery can be and were unleased on this one. Should your cat’s interest in it begin to wane, as a horrifying snake in need of immediate annihilation, keep it handy by your side. If your foot, toes, or hand are at risk, replace them with this excellent distraction. Offer this (stuff it in your cat’s mouth) to bite instead. A life-saver. A steal at – I don’t know, name a fair price and it’s yours.
Big Mr. Hedgehog. Please understand that Big Mr. Hedgehog’s appearance here has nothing to do with my campaign to rid the world of hedgehogs. It’s coincidence. Braving imminent illness (true), I spent a shocking lot of money in a big-box store for this one and then went straight to bed for a week. Big Mr. Hedgehog was supposed to replace the neighbors’ kids’ Little Mr. Hedgehog, which they had – I thought – abandoned in my front yard. I picked up Little Mr. Hedgehog on an if-come (Little Mr. Hedgehog was truly loathsomely filthy but don’t hurt me, I was desperate). Of course Bugs loved Filthy Little Mr. Hedgehog. He would do that thing where he’d straddle the helpless object and beat it to death with his back legs, does your cat do that? Hours of fun. Unfortunately the kids (may they live to regret this) wanted Filthy Little Mr. Hedgehog back. Hence Big Mr. Expensive Hedgehog. No dice. $125.00 / obo.
Crinkly Foil Ball. (Sorry, Kim.) Didn’t last long, as you can tell, because if it did it’d be vaporized. Free.
Peter Possum. What could be more adorable, plus he was conceived and executed by Cat Fanciers so come on folks, this is a designer original. Bids starting at $50.00, do I hear $60.00? $60.00, ladies and gentlemen, $65.00?
Green Mouse. Notice the Pink Bell-Ball right next to Green Mouse. Here’s Bugs with the Green Bell-Ball. Which he still likes. The Pink Bell-Ball? Nuh-uh. And is it the green that’s irresistible? Not when it’s in the shape of Green Mouse. $2.00 the pair.
Brown Fur Object With Pink Nose. This one has a pull-string that makes it run like mad for 2.5 inches and then quit. Try pulling the string and then shoving it in a canvas bag so your cat might at least like the weird noise that makes. Could get more mileage out of it that way. Don’t care, have him for free.
Leaves. They make a nice crinkly rustling noise. Who cares if they only last five minutes and create an epic housecleaning problem.
Nu-Bear. Bugs really hates this guy. Remember “Causation, Correlation,” Nov. 30? This is the stuffed animal I thumped him with. Of historic interest. $0.25.
Headband Tiara Around Nu-Bear’s Head. Bugs likes the tortoise-shell version, naturally, since that’s the one I want to wear. He will not touch this black version. $0.10.
Clean Little Mr. Hedgehog. See Big Mr. Hedgehog above. Teresa bought this one, so it ought to have had her stamp of approval. No. Thrown in with Big Mr. Hedgehog, no extra charge.
Various Feathered Wand Toys, in the background. The one resting on Big Mr. Hedgehog’s head is a particularly choice item. I made it out of chicken-feathers hand-picked on the farm here. They smell! Of real living things! What could be more perfect? Something, because Bugs won’t touch it. $5.00 the lot.
Broadway Wand. Best for last. Look at this beauty. Bellissimo. Bugs? It actually scares him. Brandish it, wiggle it, twirl it gently, no matter. He runs into the next room and not just once. It’s probably the yellow. Mint condition. $10.00.
And let the fun begin all over again, once I get this lot shifted. Help me out here.