Report on Completion of Probation by H. Bean and B.O. Hooligan

To:  Hon. R. Arnold and Legislature of the State of Arkansas, USA
Cc:  Fergus Fowler, MSW
Re:  State v. Humid (Nadbugs) Bean, Guardian of Bougarabou O. Hooligan a/k/a “Bugs”
Charge:  One Count of Second-Law Kindness Violation, Ark. Code Ann. 03-30-49
Disposition:  Conditional discharge and probation; six weeks community service
Date:  June 12, 2011


Incident:  On June 9, 2011, at 06:26, Bean called 911 on herself for violating the Second Law of Kindness, Ark. Code Ann. 03-30-49 (harboring of stray cat without proper education and training).

Educational Background:  Bean was interned in her early years at the Hortle Pentonville Academy of Acute Desperation, LLC.  There she achieved high expertise in excessive weakness as a traumatized adaptation, specializing in learned concealment behind a facade of kindness of the cringing variety.  Kindness-acts were invariably suspect, as they failed to rest on an essential foundation of mindful self-care.  Incidents of infantile acting-out became increasingly relied-on.  These served to maintain homeostasis, albeit in a dysfunctional manner, until the introduction of Bugs into the Bean household.  At that time Bean’s beleaguered frailty was repeatedly and increasingly exposed and stressed.

Pattern of Offense:  Predicate incidents primarily occurred during the early-morning hours.  While Bean was asleep, usually between the hours of 04:00 and 06:30, Bugs honed his competitive skills by launching, claws extended, at Bean’s feet, ankles, or legs.  These assaults, repeated on a daily basis, usually if not always drew blood.  In the early days, Bean’s response was uncontrolled shouting and “naping,” but Bugs remained unrepentant and increasingly defiant throughout.  The incidents escalated to unseemly storms of helpless weeping on Bean’s part.

On the morning in question, Probation Officer Fergus Fowler contacted local authorities, who took both offenders into custody and read them their rights.  On June 10, 2011, Judge Richard Arnold heard the matter and, on advisement, ordered conditional discharge of both offenders subject to probation and community service.  Research and issuance of this Report followed.


Bean’s training deficits shall be remedied by continuing intensive care pursuant to the First Law of Kindness.  Officer Fowler is ordered to continue providing First-Law services, in conjunction with Bean calling on other trained or naturally empathetic community care-givers as needed.

Bean is further required to attend weekly workshops on carrying and bearing arms safely.  Under no circumstances shall any weapons be used to inflict actual bodily harm.  Their use is strictly limited to self-defense, by firmly conveyed self-expression, only.

Bugs’s training is more problematical.  Proven restorative-justice programs designed to ameliorate teenage violence against parents, such as Step Up, are of dubious value in this case due to language impediments.  Simple common-sense measures such as closed doors are similarly unavailable, for budgetary reasons.  Continued education in the TELLINGTON TOUCH method is therefore advisable, to exercise Bugs’s native mental and athletic abilities and to forestall any susceptibility to the dreaded Kitty Body Awareness Deficit (“KBADS”) syndrome.  Liberal use of body-wrap and other containment technology is further urged.

This report may be supplemented by photographic evidentiary documentation, when currently existing audio-visual issues are resolved.


The Kindness statutory scheme should be amended as follows:

First Law of Kindness, Ark. Code Ann. 03-30-48:

(a)  Feelings shall be experienced and expressed simply, directly, and fully; and

(b)  First-Law candidate-practitioners shall be properly trained in the providing of Empathy by means of Concentrate of Kindness; and

(c)  Once certified, such practitioners shall listen to and understand the experience referred-to in Subsection (a), in a manner reflecting the deep commitment necessary to grasp, accurately and directly, the essence of the experience being expressed.

Second Law of Kindness, Ark. Code Ann. 03-30-49:

(a)  To the fullest extent possible, all persons shall be raised, taught, and tested by friendly and loving, long-domesticated animals; and

(b)  No stray or feral cat or kitten shall be taken-in by any person other than those trained according to the mandates of Subsection (a); or

(c)  To the extent that it becomes necessary for a person untrained in Subsection (a) to take in a stray or feral cat or kitten, that person shall

(1)  Receive, at State expense, rigorous remedial First-Law experience; and

(2)  Additional training in conflict-resolution and restorative justice techniques, by means of firm but benign boundary-setting.

(3)  “Firm but benign boundary-setting” means that any use of arms is strictly limited to self-defense, by forcefully conveyed self-expression, only.  Infliction of bodily harm is absolutely forbidden and shall be grounds for immediate removal of the animal and incarceration of the offender without due process of law.

Third Law of Kindness, Ark. Code Ann. 03-30-50 (proposed):

(a)  Authority to license persons who undertake the care of stray or feral cats or kittens is allocated to properly certified institutions of higher learning, only; and

(b)  Those who receive proper training and testing, but who nevertheless administer treatment to their charges in a manner noncompliant with statute, shall receive a life sentence without the possibility of parol; and

(c)  Those who administer noncompliant treatment to their charges without the benefit of required training and testing shall receive the training and testing post hoc and nunc pro tunc  and pronto, after which training and testing they become subject to Subsection (b) of this statute.

This Report and Recommendation has been printed in accordance with the charter and bylaws of the International Union of Cats (IUC).


About nadbugs

Anita loves cats. This must be because she, too, has had nine lives. She’s been dancing since she could walk, she was a commercial artist and advertising producer, she earned a third-degree black belt in Aikido, she is a drummer with the Afrique Aya Dance Company, she is an attorney, and she’s a meditator and a devoted student of Nonviolent Communication. She also spent one lifetime sidelined with a devastating back injury in 1992. Since then – FELDENKRAIS METHOD® to the rescue. The FELDENKRAIS METHOD is all about dreaming concretely – thinking intelligently and independently by way of a gracious and kind physicality. The work affords all who study it a process by which to reach, with movement, into the mind and the heart, to make nine lives into one whole being.
This entry was posted in Empathy, Kindness, Tellington Touch, TTouch, Things Cats, Humans Do. Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Report on Completion of Probation by H. Bean and B.O. Hooligan

  1. OK, we’re not very good at legalese, but we THINK that Mr. Bugs is about to be introduced to the same Bad Cat bottle that our Zoe has met. We hope that all parties involved are ok!

    • nadbugs says:

      Well — Bugs is fine. Bean is still not. The Bad Cat Bottle is too slow on the draw when he’s coming at me. It’s more like squirting where his butt used to be, meantime he’s in the other room already. I mean, you use it on Zoe for things like keeping her off counters? How’s that working for you? You worry that we’re still OK . . . . Does this mean that Zoe isn’t? Nope, just checked over @ your place. Everything seems fine by you. Here — Worried! About everything!

      • Zoe gets the Bad Cat bottle when she stalks Fuzzy… or tries to eat Fuzzy’s food…. or won’t let Fuzzy down the stairs. She knows exactly what it is and she stops what she’s doing when she sees it. She’s just a little airheaded and forgets her good manners. We hope that you and Bugs are able to work out your issues! I have had a cat in the past who liked to attack when no one would play with him – I know how maddening that can be. They can try your patience! But hang in there 🙂 It sounds like you have a lot of wise people in your corner.

  2. ha.
    HA HA HA!
    We suspect that Bugs will view such treatment with scorn, and nonchalance. How about an air horn? That’ll get his attention…if not his compliance.

    Our Maui is much the same. ADHD is possible in felines, and we have the Cat to prove it.

  3. nadbugs says:

    Air horn. There’s an idea. The African shaker that makes the Really Big Noise doesn’t seem to be producing enough of a long-lasting effect. He did it again, this time during my afternoon nap. That’s not good. He’s widening his range. Scorn and nonchalance are still the cattitudes of the day. Gad. KBADS, ADHD — where will it end.

  4. lifewith4cats says:

    How about mirroring? What I mean is: next time he is napping deeply, sneak up and do a gotcha! Use the same facial expression he does, laugh then skedaddle outa there. Doing it only once or twice might communicate a message to him.

    • nadbugs says:

      I’m interested, Sara. And thank you so much, as ever, for your “liking” and your expertise. But I wonder what your take might be on doubts I’m having?
      (1) Teresa talks about seeing his facial expression too — but I can’t seem to. Especially I can’t when he’s wearing it, and I’m asleep.
      (2) I’m worried that your approach may ENcourage him rather than DIS. Would this really be a way to make my point to him? Or would it just reinforce his cattitude — make him think he’s got a willing playmate, and let the games really begin?
      (3) I’m struggling here to find a way to be true to what I want. Which is understanding and cooperation. I fear I likely have to let those wishes go (at least where this behavior is concerned). That feels like caving to me, such a loss. I feel tears, now I write this. I really have cried about this.
      (4) I can’t imagine pulling this off as a game, with me feeling the way I do. Authenticity is the problem.
      So, Sara. Any thoughts in response? I realize — we are at the outer edges of what the blogosphere is supposed to be about . . . . I will understand “no answer” likely means no time, hard to track coming back to answer in such depth, huge issues way bigger than this small box . . . .

      • lifewith4cats says:

        Sorry for the lateness of my reply. Ive been doing an every other day for blog reading.
        1.) With attacking behavior it might be very difficult to see an expression because cats attack through disguise with stealth. They would hide their expression then. The only tip off would be the behavior before the event and possibly a ‘gleam’ in the eye.
        2) It has to do with dominance. He pounces because he thinks he is top cat and you are SUB to his DOM. If you cause your ‘pounce’ to be just as unpleasant to him as it when he does it to you… he will not think you are playing and return the favor. The trick is to immidiatly walk away after you do it. Like saying, “haha” You will need to adaquitly judge the level of ‘surprise’ He must not be so scared as to become mindlessly afraid, but he MUST have the same unpleasant fear experience as you. To the same degree.
        3) Watch how young sibling cats play in the wild. They borderline on cruel as they establish the dominance order. It is not cruel however because it falls within strict rules and behavior limits. They use only as much force as is nessissary and not more. After the dominance order is established, then democracy and equality will indeed express themselves.
        If bugs is the leader… then animal urges will rule the day.
        4) It is not a game. Do it with sincerety. But don’t hold a grudge afterwards. And dont apologise to him. Think about how a cat will play with a mouse before the kill. Its a game… but then again its not a game. Do you know what I mean? Don’t think like a democrat. Cats have simple motives…. All of them are selfish motives.

  5. MelanieJ says:

    Ouch. We have a couple of foot attackers in the house too, though it sounds like maybe they’re at least a little gentler than Bugs is! (Though God help us when Charlotte gets into a “playful” mood. That girl doesn’t pull her punches!) I’m not very quick when it comes to grabbing a squirt bottle either… especially coming up out of sleep! With us, it tends to help to put a thick blanket just over our feet, but you’ve probably already tried that; Bugs seems like he’s a little more determined than Bit, our primary offender.

  6. nadbugs says:

    Well, Melanie! We do have a problem! At least we share it. I’ve actually built walls around me with pillows. He’s found a way around and through them. (You nailed it: Determined!) AND — the attack yesterday was on my butt. He’s making full use of the opportunities the heat provides him with, as more and more of my anatomy becomes exposed. I’m beginning to think a door is the only answer — but I’m resisting that “solution.” Two reasons — money, and attachment to my huge longing for learning, cooperation, and closeness, instead of resolute defiance and barriers. I really am stuck here. Praying for change. Obama where are you fella when I need you.

  7. Eleanor says:

    Wow, your report is so detailed! ‘(a) To the fullest extent possible, all persons shall be raised, taught, and tested by friendly and loving, long-domesticated animals.’ In ideal circumstances, yes. Knowing how fully domesticated cats ‘should’ behave might give you an advantage (or an idea of what you are aiming for). I imagine that your learning curve has been very steep but I think you’re doing a grand job with Bugs.
    Re. Sara’s comment about facial expressions. Spock has lots of expressions. It’s easy to see what mood he’s in. Zé doesn’t have many, though. He always looks kind of confused and blank. Maybe Bugs is like Zé – not so easy to read.

    • nadbugs says:

      Oh Eleanor, thank you for the encouragement. Your perspective really helps. My learning curve is steep, and you think I’m doing a grand job. Yoikes. Tears again. This time the “good” kind! I guess I really am in an emotional place over here. And again you help me, with your observation that some cats are readable and others not. Teresa’s coming in a few minutes. I’ll ask her about this. My sense of Bugs is that he does have a prevailing expression (like Ze) — only in Bugs’s case, that’d be crazed. Me too, naturally, at this point.

  8. Wazeau says:

    Erph… exposed body parts sneak attacks. Difficult case to deal with as it is your reaction to said events that is generally the catalyst (cough cough). Covering your feet and bum in double-sided sticky tape would undoubtedly work but may be rather uncomfortable to remove. Extra heavy wool stockings and underpants would mayhaps make sleeping impossible this time of year. Closing a door between him and you would endanger said door (which is why I have no door at all to my bedroom. Claws in the ass versus cat LOUDLY destroying wood door throughout the night – some choice).

    How good are you at ignoring pain? If you can show NO REACTION, Bugs will (eventually) grow bored with it.

    • nadbugs says:

      OK! Another perspective! Thank you! So you’re saying Bugs enjoys getting a rise out of me. Oh no. What can I say. I positively quail at your use of the parenthetical “eventually.” Like — how long, oh lord? I seriously doubt I could pull this off. I’m in tatters now and this has been going on, well, off and on, for 1.5 years!!! And — I’m so grateful for your reminder about the destruction of the door. Now I remember a friend’s cat. Put this gal behind a door and it was stone unbelievable what would ensue. You could hear the fury three rooms away. I’d stand on the other side and just watch. She would put her front paws under the door, curve them round, and apply all 8 claws to the other side. Then tear and rip. The door would shake on its hinges. What are we to do with these wild beings??

  9. Melanie says:

    Oh, I’m sorry that it is so frustrating! I wouldn’t like being attacked in the middle of the night either. I understand the desire for understanding and cooperation with him too. Even if you do have to put up a barrier, though, that understanding and cooperation together may still happen… and I would say it is likely to happen, just maybe not as quickly as we would like! Sometimes cats take a long time to change their habits… it was two years before I could convince Annie to sit on my lap. Her first several months in the house, I couldn’t leave any of the windows fully open because she’d try to rip out the screen to escape. I know that the situations are somewhat different, and I suspect that Annie is not as strong-willed as Bugs is, but I share my story with you with the hope that it will help inspire hope.

    I hesitate to suggest this, and do so with great fear and trembling (I hate to meddle!) but have you considered a second cat to keep Bugs company? (I think you said something about it once, but I don’t know how serious you were about it.) I realize that there are innumerable ways that this could backfire… I would certainly have a long, candid talk with an adoption counselor to see what his or her professional opinion was before making any decisions. But my thought was that if he had another cat (preferably a willing one!) to run and roughhouse with (and play attack in the middle of the night) that he might take some of the focus off of you.

  10. nadbugs says:

    Melanie, have you been talking to Teresa? Or Kim? You three are saying the same thing; honestly it’s uncanny! Truly, your and everybody’s contributions here have been so very very rich and supportive, I’m thinking I’ll make my next post an homage to what you all have said. Honestly, I’m so emotionally overwrought, I’m crying again! In a good way! Huge huge gratitude to you, and to all my beloved gang here and at home in person. Wha-hoo. Oh what the heck. I’m not going to wait for the words. Here comes another post.

  11. lifewith4cats says:

    I also sent an email to the yayfay address. Let me know if you get it? The other thing to do is get rid of all the toys that have to do with ‘pouncing on hidden rustels’ This means bags, and caves. That must be bugs favorite type of play but till he learns to control himself around the bedsheets… he can’t have any cave pouncing encouragement. Instead he can play with strings and climbing, jumping etc. But nothing cavelike.

    • nadbugs says:

      Dear Sara, I take in everything you say with great interest, pleasure, and intent to learn and grow. I need to come back and back here, to study and review all your comments. Note to self: Do that. Note to Sara: Do please remind me, if you see me forgetting, in later posts.

      • lifewith4cats says:

        Well ok, as long as you promise to listen only with a grain of salt. All the times you mentioned his propencity in the past…I did not realize before until THIS post, that his pouncing behavior was anything more then simply play. But the picture combined with the mention that he sits. and waits. and watches? And that this is schedualed by him… Thats what tipped me off to be certain enough to mention all that about dominance and kitty selfishness.

        Love you, Sara 🙂

  12. nadbugs says:

    Well I will, dear Sara — but, on my end, my dear, I truly own that I have been minimizing my aggro & grief. Didn’t want to scare dear readers away! Plus also owning up to my own — I was going to say “inadequacies,” but let me practice self-empathy and substitute “limitations” or — “growth areas” —

    Oh jargon is such fun —

    Anyway, Bean, focus. Where was I. Oh yes, dominance and

    Whoa! He just did another foot-attack! But he “MISSED”! Like he ever misses.

    Whew. OK. Well — dominance and submission. You know what? I’m kind of sick of that part of life.

    Go fight city hall. Think I’ll go to the laundromat. That’ll show him.

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