To: Hon. R. Arnold and Legislature of the State of Arkansas, USA
Cc: Fergus Fowler, MSW
Re: State v. Humid (Nadbugs) Bean, Guardian of Bougarabou O. Hooligan a/k/a “Bugs”
Charge: One Count of Second-Law Kindness Violation, Ark. Code Ann. 03-30-49
Disposition: Conditional discharge and probation; six weeks community service
Date: June 12, 2011
Incident: On June 9, 2011, at 06:26, Bean called 911 on herself for violating the Second Law of Kindness, Ark. Code Ann. 03-30-49 (harboring of stray cat without proper education and training).
Educational Background: Bean was interned in her early years at the Hortle Pentonville Academy of Acute Desperation, LLC. There she achieved high expertise in excessive weakness as a traumatized adaptation, specializing in learned concealment behind a facade of kindness of the cringing variety. Kindness-acts were invariably suspect, as they failed to rest on an essential foundation of mindful self-care. Incidents of infantile acting-out became increasingly relied-on. These served to maintain homeostasis, albeit in a dysfunctional manner, until the introduction of Bugs into the Bean household. At that time Bean’s beleaguered frailty was repeatedly and increasingly exposed and stressed.
Pattern of Offense: Predicate incidents primarily occurred during the early-morning hours. While Bean was asleep, usually between the hours of 04:00 and 06:30, Bugs honed his competitive skills by launching, claws extended, at Bean’s feet, ankles, or legs. These assaults, repeated on a daily basis, usually if not always drew blood. In the early days, Bean’s response was uncontrolled shouting and “naping,” but Bugs remained unrepentant and increasingly defiant throughout. The incidents escalated to unseemly storms of helpless weeping on Bean’s part.
On the morning in question, Probation Officer Fergus Fowler contacted local authorities, who took both offenders into custody and read them their rights. On June 10, 2011, Judge Richard Arnold heard the matter and, on advisement, ordered conditional discharge of both offenders subject to probation and community service. Research and issuance of this Report followed.
Bean’s training deficits shall be remedied by continuing intensive care pursuant to the First Law of Kindness. Officer Fowler is ordered to continue providing First-Law services, in conjunction with Bean calling on other trained or naturally empathetic community care-givers as needed.
Bean is further required to attend weekly workshops on carrying and bearing arms safely. Under no circumstances shall any weapons be used to inflict actual bodily harm. Their use is strictly limited to self-defense, by firmly conveyed self-expression, only.
Bugs’s training is more problematical. Proven restorative-justice programs designed to ameliorate teenage violence against parents, such as Step Up, are of dubious value in this case due to language impediments. Simple common-sense measures such as closed doors are similarly unavailable, for budgetary reasons. Continued education in the TELLINGTON TOUCH method is therefore advisable, to exercise Bugs’s native mental and athletic abilities and to forestall any susceptibility to the dreaded Kitty Body Awareness Deficit (“KBADS”) syndrome. Liberal use of body-wrap and other containment technology is further urged.
This report may be supplemented by photographic evidentiary documentation, when currently existing audio-visual issues are resolved.
The Kindness statutory scheme should be amended as follows:
First Law of Kindness, Ark. Code Ann. 03-30-48:
(a) Feelings shall be experienced and expressed simply, directly, and fully; and
(b) First-Law candidate-practitioners shall be properly trained in the providing of Empathy by means of Concentrate of Kindness; and
(c) Once certified, such practitioners shall listen to and understand the experience referred-to in Subsection (a), in a manner reflecting the deep commitment necessary to grasp, accurately and directly, the essence of the experience being expressed.
Second Law of Kindness, Ark. Code Ann. 03-30-49:
(a) To the fullest extent possible, all persons shall be raised, taught, and tested by friendly and loving, long-domesticated animals; and
(b) No stray or feral cat or kitten shall be taken-in by any person other than those trained according to the mandates of Subsection (a); or
(c) To the extent that it becomes necessary for a person untrained in Subsection (a) to take in a stray or feral cat or kitten, that person shall
(1) Receive, at State expense, rigorous remedial First-Law experience; and
(2) Additional training in conflict-resolution and restorative justice techniques, by means of firm but benign boundary-setting.
(3) “Firm but benign boundary-setting” means that any use of arms is strictly limited to self-defense, by forcefully conveyed self-expression, only. Infliction of bodily harm is absolutely forbidden and shall be grounds for immediate removal of the animal and incarceration of the offender without due process of law.
Third Law of Kindness, Ark. Code Ann. 03-30-50 (proposed):
(a) Authority to license persons who undertake the care of stray or feral cats or kittens is allocated to properly certified institutions of higher learning, only; and
(b) Those who receive proper training and testing, but who nevertheless administer treatment to their charges in a manner noncompliant with statute, shall receive a life sentence without the possibility of parol; and
(c) Those who administer noncompliant treatment to their charges without the benefit of required training and testing shall receive the training and testing post hoc and nunc pro tunc and pronto, after which training and testing they become subject to Subsection (b) of this statute.
This Report and Recommendation has been printed in accordance with the charter and bylaws of the International Union of Cats (IUC).