Brotherly Balance

One thing I’m really happy about:  I’m recognizing an “old-self” aspect of Bugs coming back.  The reserved, contemplative, concerned side of him.

He’s been choosing his moments carefully to approach me.  He draws near slowly, looks in my eyes, purrs tentatively and briefly, and then goes back to OutTV.

I think he may be saying:  “The crazypants pest is elsewhere at the moment, Ma.  Are we still good?”

We are still good, dear Bugs.  So good.

As we’ve been integrating Fang into the household – looking back over many of your comments throughout this process – I’m seeing a theory emerge.  Cats are individuals.  When it comes to the artificial world these two cats are asked to join – in this case, two neutered boys close in age but not exactly, coexisting in a small space with each other and a(n at-times-benighted) Bean – before a successful match can be made, before peace and harmony may reign, it’s necessary to recognize and honor different propensities.

This seems to mean, in Bugs’s case, that the Bean must honor Bugs’s Garbo-esque tendencies – his need for quiet, lots and lots of sleep, and alone-time – but to make space for him to approach when he wants to – at the same time as Bean honors Fang’s balls-out young-boy wild-and-crazy “it’s-never-enough-Ma” me-me-me goofiness.

And the boys need to know, in their turn, that Bean loves to touch them and Bean will touch them and they will simply have to learn to live with it if not like it.  Negotiating on all sides.

Thank you all so much, dear readers, for mediating and cheerleading.  This process would be unimaginable without you.

A bromance flowers?

It sure looks that way.  In this moment, at least.

About nadbugs

Anita loves cats. This must be because she, too, has had nine lives. She’s been dancing since she could walk, she was a commercial artist and advertising producer, she earned a third-degree black belt in Aikido, she is a drummer with the Afrique Aya Dance Company, she is an attorney, and she’s a meditator and a devoted student of Nonviolent Communication. She also spent one lifetime sidelined with a devastating back injury in 1992. Since then – FELDENKRAIS METHOD® to the rescue. The FELDENKRAIS METHOD is all about dreaming concretely – thinking intelligently and independently by way of a gracious and kind physicality. The work affords all who study it a process by which to reach, with movement, into the mind and the heart, to make nine lives into one whole being.
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38 Responses to Brotherly Balance

  1. You guys are gorgeous! So photogenic!

  2. Dianda says:

    I agree! Gorgeous! Glad to see everything turned out good with both the boys. 🙂

  3. Bonnie says:

    Love your posts – so glad I found this site. I have several cats and the integration has always been a work-in-progress. But, everyone needed a home, found a home and it is up to me to recognize their individual needs, some being more needy than others!!

    • nadbugs says:

      Welcome Bonnie. So nice to see you here. And heartwarming to hear you’re committed to welcoming your individual kitties. It is an on-going process, isn’t it. Cats are such fluid creatures.

  4. They ARE individuals, for sure. Living with as many cats as I do (and have had) it’s a marvel to me to see that humans are not alone in their array of personalities and foibles. And silliness! I know for a fact that cats have a sense of humor.

    • nadbugs says:

      Well, dear Lounger — perhaps your horde is simply reflecting your excellent selves, you and the Dadster. You guys are the cream in my coffee. If I were still permitted the stuff, that is. Mope. Your blog will have to do. A heavy load, I know. But you’re up to it.

  5. They are so handsome together!

    • nadbugs says:

      Aren’t they just. And by the way, dear funkyone, Ouida finally got in touch! Thank you for that! She recognized your name — I mean, your cafe name, is it? or shop name? Small, small world, isn’t it.

  6. rumpydog says:

    I’m glad all is well!

  7. lauowolf says:

    I think Bugs is one of those passionate kitties.
    You are lucky enough to be the one he has chosen.
    He’s decided it’s okay that you got him a cat, but you remain his person, and that is a good thing.

    • nadbugs says:

      You’re not kidding, about the luck! Because he definitely did choose me. That time when I “decided” to take him to the shelter, he actually came when I called him! And then rode in the car with me without a carrier and without a peep. The first and last time for any and all of that, BTW. Now he goes away from me when I call him, and now what he has to say about car-rides beggars description. So yes. An incredibly good thing and I am so deeply thankful for the piece of luck that is Bugs, I can’t even begin to say.

  8. We love the way you and Bugs manage to steal moments together. Relax Bugs, things are good.

  9. Ivy says:

    Oh, they are for sure individuals! I think this is the magic of living with cats: each combination is different; I mean, each relationship between a human and a cat is different, as is the relationship between two cats. And isn’t that diversity the fun of it all? 😉

  10. Ain’t it great that they all have their own personalities? or purrrsonalities! And these two seem to appreciate each others purrsonality enough to get along, play, sleep, snuggle, and occasonally battle, each other for fun! I’m real glad things have gone so well for you!
    Love the bromance picture! Snuggly boys!

  11. CATachresis says:

    Endlessly fascinating the interaction between cats and cats, and cats and humans 🙂

  12. Wazeau says:

    Loving all these photos of your two together. I am so pleased for your boys and for you 🙂

  13. Yes! The Bean gets it!!! Cats are absolutely individuals, and not very tolerant of other creatures that try to stifle or bend their individuality. So finding a good match is difficult and essential. And it sounds like you did it, Bean! Congrats! 🙂

    • nadbugs says:

      Sighing with relief, dear Pedro.

      • Next you should find a roommate for me. For after Kitty kicks the bucket, you know. She’s 18, so that could be any day now. 😉

        • nadbugs says:

          Well once that sad event eventuates, and the necessary grieving period comes to a close, why not pack up and come here? You can bring your bean. I predict we could all work together and then your career could really get moving. On the mainland-centric mainland, you know. Ready and willing at a moment’s notice to prepare a litter-box just for you . . . . –Bugs

  14. They’ve made wonderful bromance progress. Keep in mind even the most bonded and compatible pairs (regardless of gender) will have spats. Like life and all relationships it’s a question of maintaining balance in a state of flux.

    • nadbugs says:

      And how, Layla. Balance in a state of flux. FELDENKRAIS calls that “dynamic stability.” Essential — coveted — whoops! (lost my balance)

  15. This is our first time here! We saw your name on Carolyn and Austin’s comments and wanted to say hi! Love your blog! And your photos…well you say they take themselves, but we know that’s not entirely true! Beautiful kitties and beautiful photos!
    ; ) Glogirly & Katie

  16. Such a lovely picture! And I’m so glad that they’re learning to live with one another, and even enjoying it from time to time.

    You have a good match there, and I’m so glad to hear it.

  17. Er, the Melanie Stewart Johnston comment is mine. Silly thing posted me as my Facebook identity instead of my blogging identity.

    Sorry! Serves me right for not paying attention…

  18. nadbugs says:

    I love your FB identity. You sound like a benevolent benefactress that way. Which you are, of course, no matter what you call yourself. I’m also enjoying the dissonance between your FB identities. A benevolent benefactress v. House of Carnivores. Fun stuff.

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