You Who Know

By a great mercy, the close of the Shiva mourning period for Fangie coincided with the once-monthly meeting of a group of friends who practice Nonviolent Communication. So these stalwart like-minded souls helped me say goodbye to my dear little boy.

And blog-friend Lahgitana, of Rockin’ The Purple!, could not be here in person, but she baked cookies for event. Lemon cookies. She sent them by e-mail. The e-mail got here just in time for sunset, just as I checked one last time before the meeting.

Here is a picture.

Don’t they look good?  Were they good, Lahggie?

And what a send-off it was.  Last post I spoke of how much, after suffering this shattering loss, I wanted to keep the spirit with me.  I wanted to turn my back on nothing.  I wanted to stay present, to stay breathing, even while looking the most awful squarely in the face.

My friends truly rose to the occasion.  Told tales of the ridiculous turned into the sublime, of moments in life that changed everything utterly, of moments when time stood still.

I am so grateful for the presence of these friends, of all you, of all beings who understand what this pain has been like.  For the company of those who know what it is to feel life – even if it feels at times like being hit by a bus.

For the company of those who know what love is.

Voi, che sapete che cosa e amor.

To paraphrase Mozart : Let me tell you what I’m going through, you who know what love is.  Now is pleasure, now is agony.

And after our circle closed on the telling of love, we enshrined Fangie’s favorite bed high on a shelf, in my friend’s lovely home.  Out of reach of her own valiant survivor Little Guy, who wouldn’t be tempted to pee in it.

It looks very jazzy up there.  Festive.

Here’s Fangie in that bed, as he began his last illness.

Rest easy my little dear one.  Zichrono l’bracha.


About nadbugs

Anita loves cats. This must be because she, too, has had nine lives. She’s been dancing since she could walk, she was a commercial artist and advertising producer, she earned a third-degree black belt in Aikido, she is a drummer with the Afrique Aya Dance Company, she is an attorney, and she’s a meditator and a devoted student of Nonviolent Communication. She also spent one lifetime sidelined with a devastating back injury in 1992. Since then – FELDENKRAIS METHOD® to the rescue. The FELDENKRAIS METHOD is all about dreaming concretely – thinking intelligently and independently by way of a gracious and kind physicality. The work affords all who study it a process by which to reach, with movement, into the mind and the heart, to make nine lives into one whole being.
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13 Responses to You Who Know

  1. Zichrono l’bracha, Fangie.

    How thoughtful of that Purple Princess to send cookies by email…sweet and clever, that one.

    So glad to hear you received so much support and love from your in-person friends. May you continue to feel the hugs from out here in the blogosphere as well. Lotsa love still coming your way…

  2. ashley47 says:

    I’m glad you are feeling all the support being given. I don’t understand why his bed is being enshrined in someone else’s home.

  3. So glad you had your faith and good friends to help you move through the beginning of your grieving for Fangie. paw pats, Savannah

  4. So hard for me to keep having the wound reopened. But healthier for you, I’m sure. I’ve been sort of speechless lately. Unless it is fanciful talk about nothing of import. I hope your healing path is a good and straight one, without too many rocks.

  5. looloo says:

    Such is life, you love, you take a risk, the risk of losing the one you love, that’s what happened to you, only a few months after you took the risk, and there you are, knowing nothing about cats, these special creatures God ( “God” may take so many forms, from Allah to…) made for us, you don’t understand, but we are there for you, dear Anita, we think of you, every day and every night, we would like to lessen your burden, but… we can, but we can’t take it totally, you have to go through this, it is part of your life. One thing: I am so happy Fangie met you. You were the ideal person for him.

  6. I’m glad you had your group around you. And I’m glad you received solace from all of us and them. I know it’s been hard, and I’m glad you’ve faced it and didn’t bury it. I’m glad you’re part of a community, a couple of communities, that care and love you. And we do. It’s my hope that, day by day, you’re doing better. Hugs from me and the kitties.

  7. lahgitana says:

    Ahh, what they all said!

    Yes, Miss AnitaBean, the lemon cookies were good–sweet and bitter. And, for all you cat lovers out there, the plate that is holding those cookies is one of the cat-tuna plates! How could I not?!

    Fangie galloped through his short life. How lucky he was to have a Bean who thought he was worth a 600-mile trip, never having met him. There is his festive and feisty bed that announces his exuberance to the world.

    I have had a wound on my leg–scratched a flea bite too hard and my not-recovered skin objected. I noticed this morning that it is scabbing over finally. Still hurts and is rather ugly, but healing nonetheless. Life is like that. Sigh….

    Anita, you shared your terrible grief and in doing so gave ME a gift. I can’t thank you deeply enough for giving me the community in which to grieve the loss of the Little Bundle o’ Fun Fangie and for allowing me/us into this part of your world, too.

    Love and head skritches to both you and Bugsy! –Laurel

  8. Marilia says:

    Have a easy week!!!!

  9. Hey there… I came just to say I’m thinking of you…

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