From: Bougarabou O. Hooligan (“Bugs”) and Barnabus M. Filibuster (“Barney”)
To: Hotel Management
Re: Housekeeping Staff Failure To Provide Avian Entertainment
It has come to our attention that there has been an unexplained failure to observe ancestral traditions amongst Housekeeping. We need hardly say we care about Housekeeping ancestral traditions only insofar as they serve our interests. Therefore ordinarily we would have no brief for or against any such observances, other than if they impact our well-being.
The Housekeeping ancestral tradition in question here, however, is the giving of birdseed to one member of Housekeeping’s spawn, as a device to fill up one spawn’s holiday entitlement to one of eight gifts regardless of that spawn’s enjoyment or lack of same regarding birdseed.
We require that this tradition be reinstated. It captures perfectly the observance of our own tradition, which is that our well-being must be attended-to irrespective of anybody else’s. It should not be necessary to remind you that this latter is our entitlement by virtue of birth as feline divinities. Therefore, the principle that nobody’s enjoyment is of value unless it benefits us is what we were put in this incarnation to embody.
We do not need any response from you, other than the immediate reinstatement of this Housekeeping tradition. Failure to revive this ancestral practice, on the other hand, will result in a report filed with the Bast Administration Legal Department. Should that become necessary, you will not want to live on to see the consequences.
Enough, on this painful subject. Happy – what is it you people say, holidays? – if that makes you feel better. Whatever. Kindly comply now and you will enjoy your – holidays? – without any further threat from us.
Barney contemplates nucleus-ball; lets Bugs worry about admin details
Bugs is concerned about the consequences.