Welcome to my world! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. It’s only taken me around 62 years to be able to say “enjoy” in the same breath as “my world”; I trust you can make the adjustment faster than I did.
My cats – Herr Prof. Grand Master of Spacious Wisdom and Gnomic Being-ness Bougarabou O. Hooligan a/k/a “Bugs,” and Barney, a/k/a various ridiculous nicknames – unfortunately for all of us, they rely on me to speak for them. So this is hearsay and it is inadmissible in court; the boys will answer subpoenas there.
Interactions with cats may improve health and reduce physical responses to stress: for example the presence of cats may moderate increased blood pressure. Cat ownership may also improve psychological health by providing emotional support and dispelling feelings of depression, anxiety and loneliness. [I am Exhibit A. Otherwise, though, I must object to that bit about cats having “owners.” On a good day, they have “guardians.” The rest of the time they have “human slaves.”]
Cats may change the overall psychological state of their owner as their company’s effect appears to be comparable to the one of a human partner. [Amen. Comparable or superior to.] Cats do not however promote optimistic moods but only alleviate the negative ones. [I vigorously dispute this.]
Several studies have shown that cats develop affection towards their owners. However, [this] is closely related to the time and effort the cat owner is able to invest in it, in terms of bonding, playing and buying accessories for their pet. [I anticipate that you’ll be reading a lot here about this affection my cats allegedly feel toward me (but see caution about hearsay). If you’re tempted to emulate me, though, a word to the wise. I leave the boys only if strictly necessary, and it’s only necessary when we run out of food and cat gew-gaws. Plus I can echo-locate by in-built GPS every store that sells cat gew-gaws within a thirty-mile radius. Worse, the attorney who administers my trust fund (now I know you’ll believe anything I write here) has stopped disbursements to me for this purpose. I have protested by motion to Probate Court but I am not optimistic. The attorney thinks he has my best interests at heart and I’m pretty sure the judge sees things the attorney’s way. Everybody is against me. Except my cats. And you, I’m hoping.]
So. Pleased to meet you. Welcome.