It is Saturday, November 6, 2010. 1:30 in the afternoon. The sun is shining. Nice fall day. (It lies.)
I’ve opened the door. I’m bundling in the shopping. I’m moving fast, so Bugs won’t get out. Halfway in-and-out, I look down. I see Bugs’s little gray shoulders. These little gray shoulders. They’re shifting side to side. Bugs is strolling out the door. He’s not dashing, he’s not making a break for it. He’s stepping out, in this deliberate, determined way.
My next thought is – no big deal. This cat will do anything for treats. I’ll just get some treats. This cat will come for treats.
No dice. He’s going around the side of the house.
He’s – squalling now. Bugs? Come on! Stop that! Look here! Treats!
I say well Bugs I’m just going to sit down over here, with my hand out. You’re going to come and get these delicious treats now, aren’t you?
It’s beginning to sink in. He’s not going to come. He’s walking away. Bugs! Bugs! You’re going in the wrong direction!
He’s walking away from me. He looks over his shoulder at me. There’s this anguished expression on his little face. He’s squalling. He’s walking away from me.
Internal Rejecting Object No. One:
You are a sap. You just thought this was going to be no big deal, oh sure. No, well, come on, I just thought he’d come back. No. You listen up. You spaced out. This is what happens. What do you think you’re doing, letting your guard down like that? You are a fat-dumb-and-happy sap. You must. Never. Let your guard down. Do I make myself clear? You brought this on yourself.
Transforming the IRO:
(1) Vigilance against temptation of certainty . . . . Lordy! You hear the tone of voice here? Sound pretty certain? And this harsh, bitter, absolute conviction – would be the gospel according to whom?
(2) Well it’s silly even to contemplate Step 2. “Acceptance of self”? Really!
So – Here we have Exhibit A. The first of a good many horrible thought-forms to arise in this Excellent Adventure. The suffering of bitter self-excoriation, on top of the pain that Bugs was undeniably at large, and possibly gone forever.